There was a time in my life when I couldn’t find happiness if it were delivered to my front door by paid courier in a 10 foot box wrapped in my favorite chocolate, adorned with flashing Christmas lights. Difficulty was my friend and we coexisted without much regard for how we effected the people around me. Every moment of every day I was on the verge of delving deeper into anger and hostility, and it didn't take much to set me off. If the smallest detail was not as I planned or someone said the wrong thing to me, watch out and be sure to duck for cover! I didn't want to be that way but I wasn't doing anything personally to change it.
Periodically, I would look at my husband and say, “I am not happy, what are you going to do about it?” As I write this, I am really ashamed that the statement was ever a part of my truth. But the fact is that I expected him to ride in on a white stallion, pull his sword and command the universe to make me happy just like any good knight would do.
It would be unfair of me to insinuate that my husband did not give his best effort to elevate my spirit, because he did. As much as I wanted it to be his responsibility to make me happy, it was not. Just like things, money and materialistic pleasures have proved time and time again to not be the anecdote to personal misery automatically making the unhappy joyous, it is unreasonable to suggest that one person can bring another sustained happiness. Even if happy moments manifest because of actions from people via gifts or kind words, the feeling is usually temporal and not representative of true joy.
The moment that I realized that my happiness was directly connected to my personal ability to choose to be happy in spite of, I started to live a satisfying life. You see, happiness is a personal choice and in neglecting to make the choice, a person essentially chooses the opposite of happiness which is misery. In choosing happiness, one makes a decision that regardless of the daily nuisances, frustrations and aggravations that seek to destroy and distract, that you will remain committed to a consistent state of joy.
Remaining happy is most likely not the easiest choice. As a matter of the fact, the decision is further complicated when life isn’t going well. It is probably simpler to waller in self pity and allow situations to dictate our emotional state. But happiness is not about everything in your life being perfectly aligned at the same time. It is accepting that anything that is “out of sequence/line” is temporary and the “out of whack” things detached from everything else in your life are not worth upsetting the balance and harmony of the things that are going well. Admittedly it is hard work to choose to be happy. The choice requires a constant repositioning of your thoughts, words and emotions away from the negative towards the positive.
People who are able to maintain a content persona even in the midst of tough times have conquered and lived through this important life lesson. Happiness is not a magical feeling that happens automatically, it is a choice. Your personal happiness cannot be dependent upon what people around you say and do, because that makes your happiness volatile and easily devastated.
A life rooted in happiness is for the courageous, selfless, focused, decisive individual who says “NO” to the path of frustration and stress and instead says “YES” to a pathway of peace. We all own our individual happiness as well as our personal responses/reactions to moments that may cause us to lose sight of the joy that life in Him brings. In the times when there are causes, people or things that are not ideal and seek to dismantle your disposition, you must choose to remain happy. So now when people look at me and ask “When did you become so happy?” My response is always simple, “It happened the day that I decided that my way wasn't working and better was possible if I chose to be happy.”
Kermeshea Evans is the author of the 2010 Breakthrough Novel “Going To Church To Catch Hell” available in most places where books are sold and via Kindle and Nook. In 2012 her follow up novel "What Now Finding the Confidence to Move On" was released
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