Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

The question Should I Stay or Should I Go has come up in several forums this week as a result of Eddie Long’s settlement and Creflo Dollar’s defense of his “friend.”  Before you gasp, hold your chest and say “Oh girl, touch not my anointed”, this blog is not really about either of those two men, it is about the people in the pews who are conflicted between allegiance to their “pastor” and that unsettled feeling that they now have about being subject to his leadership.

However, if I did want to say something about either one of these two individuals the scripture “Touch not my anointed, do my prophets no harm”;  a variation of the same words found in both I Chronicles 16:22 and Psalm 105:15 are not intended to be interpreted as “don’t say nothing about the pastor.”  The scripture is misused and misappropriated by modern day pastors who believe that they have an all access, irrevocable membership into a club that allows them to treat people any way that they choose.   First, people need to have a clearer understanding of what the scriptures mean, reading the verses before and after.  Secondly, quoting the scripture as a means of justifying “special entitlement” or absolving one of the crime of spiritually abusing the sheep (people in the pews) is entirely missing the point of being a servant of the Lord, an extension of Christ in the earth realm.  But, I digress because that is a totally different subject and not encompassing of the intention of what I am writing today.

Recently in the news there was a Pastor who battled and fought a major news station for several years and won to clear his name of an accusation of dishonesty and a lie spread about him through the media.  There is no amount of money or length of time that is too great to an innocent man.   God will always vindicate the righteous.

As the daughter of a mega church pastor I have seen and heard things in my life that I know grieved the heart of God.  It is these life experiences that fuel my passion when I see people struggling to justify and defend the actions of abusive church leadership and submitting themselves and their families to the authority of these men and women by saying, “But God hasn’t told me to leave.”   

To that I say, “Have you specifically heard God say stay?”  Its so interesting the extent that people will go to as a means of defending being in the wrong place (church).  If you were sick do you need to hear God say, go see a doctor?  If you heard one of your children screaming out in anguish (pain), do you need to hear God say, go see what’s happening to your child?   I am sure you get my point.  But I would also contend that when you are in an abusive church under the direction of a man or woman who is continually abusing the role of the Pastor by mistreating people inside and outside of the church with an unrepentant heart, God has spoken to you about leaving.  

As a believer God has given you the gift of spiritual discernment (the ability to judge well).  Spiritual discernment is leading (direction) on matters including actions, intents and the course of times that we live in.   Discernment is not something magical, it is the Holy Spirit at work nudging us, leading us and sometimes just pulling you by the nose to increase your awareness and heighten your sensibility to the ways of God.  Discernment allows believers to decipher between God’s way or our way.  

A gut check to use and discern if you are under the wrong leadership:

• Is the message and overall direction of the church centered around Jesus Christ and His Good News?  I Corinthians 1:2-3
• Do the teachings direct you to live a life aligned to scripture and not away from it? Isaiah 8:19
• Do the teachings create a love of righteousness, a fear of sin and a turning away from evil?
• Does the lifestyle of leadership coincide with the message?
• If your Pastors character met his/her message on the street, would they know each other?

The scripture admonishes us to “study to show [ourselves] approved” II Timothy 2:15, in doing so a deeper understanding of the scripture on your own, ‘rightly dividing the truth’ will aid in increasing your ability to justly discern.

A part of my experience in church included seeing a non negotiable line of righteousness for the pew that did not necessarily transcend up to the pulpit, your basic “do as I say, not as I do.”  Lay members who violated the terms of righteousness (ie not tithing,  not coming to every church service regularly) or sinned against God (pregnant out of wedlock or adultery) were removed from their positions so that they could be “ministered to”.   I have witnessed my father removing his “son’s” in the ministry from their own pulpit because of their indiscretions.   Mr. Long’s situation makes me wonder when one of his “friends” will admonish against his actions in love.  “Open rebuke is better than secret love.  Faithful are the wounds of a friend...” (Proverbs 27:5-6)   The scripture is given for reproof and correction so that we are equipped for every good work.

In this situation with Mr. Long, a settlement is neither an admission of guilt or innocence, the result of the settlement is that the public will never know the details.  As believers the scripture admonishes us to “abstain from the appearance of evil.‘   When will Mr. Long sit down to be ministered to?  In the Pastoral Epistles (I Timothy, 2 Timothy and Titus), Paul outlines the requirements of the office of the Bishop.  “A Bishop must be blameless”  Additionally, my Bible teaches that God will always ensure that an innocent man’s name is cleared.  Whoever believes [who trusts] in Him will never be put to shame (Romans 10:11).   Not only is Mr. Long’s situation disgraceful for him, it is embarrassing for the members and followers of his teachings.  Which brings me back to the point of that urging, discernment of things.  If the righteous are never brought to shame, God gave signs to the righteous followers before the collapse of this ministry.  It is that still small voice, that raises questions in your spirit and makes you uncomfortable with things that you saw and heard, that we tend to ignore.  Or if we don’t ignore, we quiet the voice by saying “well this Pastor has never done anything to me.”

I believe that in many situations people hold on to situations and relationships for which God has already provided an escape because of the investment that they have made.  That investment comes in many forms - money, time, commitment, loyalty.   It’s difficult to let go.  Ask yourself, am I staying in this church because of my plans?  Is it because you will miss the friends that you have gained?  Is it because you will miss the charismatic delivery of your Pastor?  Are you putting your fleshly desires ahead of God’s plan for your life?   

If you have children, you are commissioned to protect your children.  Even if the pastor has never done anything to the children.  Your child sees what is going on, your child hears the conversations and the murmurings, your child is watching you and your actions are making an impression in their hearts of minds of how to handle similar situations.

I realize the disappointment that the members must now feel about the silence after   the bold declaration to fight back with 5 stones.  They must be angered that they stood beside their leader believing in his innocence and awaiting the day that the world would have to “back back” and declare that the murmurings of guilt were in error.  The realization that the day will never come has got to be unsettling, hurtful and angering.  To that I say, you cannot move past the hurt by remaining in a situation where the person who caused the hurt does not acknowledge the hurt (repent) and commit to change.  So I am sure that you are saying Mr. Long may have repented in his own prayer closet, at his own threshing floor and he doesn’t owe repentance to the public.  That may be the case, however the scripture is clear about handling offenses.   After Zacchaeus met Christ, he publicly repented offering restitution to others who were offended by his dishonesty. (Luke 19:8).    Paul was able to boldly declare that he had no “skeletons in his closet.”  And there was no unanswered cry out against him placing a flaw on his faithfulness to the things of God.

So after all that I still haven’t really given the reader a “Yes” or “No” to the question of whether you stay or go.  That was intentional.  I have provided my experience as well as scripture.  You own your spirituality, you own your relationship with God.  You own what you allow to dwell in your heart.  You own the decision of whether you should stay or go.      The good news is just like you run to the screams of your child, God hears your heart crying out for direction.  

Before I finish, I know I said earlier that I was done with “touch not my anointed”  but I have one more point to make, anointing under the new covenant is established for every believer.  2 Corinthians 1:21 “But it is God Who confirms and makes us steadfast and establishes us [in joint fellowship] with you in Christ, and has consecrated and anointed us [[a]enduing us with the gifts of the Holy Spirit];”   I John 2:27 “But as for you, the anointing (the sacred appointment, the unction) which you received from Him abides permanently] in you; [so] then you have no need that anyone should instruct you. But just as His anointing teaches you concerning everything and is true and is no falsehood, so you must abide in (live in, never depart from) Him [being rooted in Him, knit to Him], just as [His anointing] has taught you [to do].” 

Think on that and put your trust in God to lead and direct you.  “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice saying This is the way, walk in it” (Isaiah 30:21)  

Don’t allow your life to become a casualty of someone else’s sin.  

Kermeshea Evans is the author of the 2010 Breakthrough Novel “Going To Church To Catch Hell” available in most places where books are sold and via Kindle and Nook.  Her follow up novel “Shaking Off the Ashes” is scheduled for release later this summer